1/23/2018
January 23, 2018
Dear Alta,
You had just zipped up your cowgirl boots and you were grabbing your Minnie Mouse backpack when you looked up at me and with a quavering voice said, "Mom?". I knew it was the beginning to a question and so I quit wrestling Elena, sat down on the couch, grateful for a rest with my pregnant belly, and responded, "What's up?".
"Mom, I don't want to go to preschool today."
"Why don't you want to go?"
"I will be all lonely. Making friends is hard, I don't know how to do it. I don't want to play by myself."
It broke my heart. Back in the spring of 2014 when we found out that we were expecting you, our first little girl, I sobbed on the way home from the ultrasound. I think your dad thought I was a little crazy when he asked me what was wrong. A look of understanding crossed his face when I told him, though my tears, "What if she doesn't have anyone to sit by at lunch? What if she doesn't get asked to prom? Being a girl is so hard."
When you told me about your worries of being lonely and playing by yourself I flashed back to that moment coming home from the ultrasound when it really hit me that I'd be raising a daughter. At three years old I'll admit this came a little sooner than I expected. I told you that the other kids probably felt this way too, and I explained that making friends is definitely hard. It takes a little courage, and lots of times you have to take the first step. So we planned out a strategy where you would walk up to some of the kids playing before preschool and say "This looks fun! I'd love to play too!".
After dropping you off with our action plan I went to your dad's classroom and told him about our conversation. Then I went and cried in the parking lot for a few minutes. I decided to make you this blog because there are so many little things you do and say that need, need, need to be recorded. And there are so many questions you ask that you'll ask again and again as your grow up, and the answers are hard for a little girl to understand. So, even as your little three year old self is sleeping on the top bunk in your room right now, I'm picturing your 8 year old, 12 year old, and 16 year old self while I write.
Alta love, you are going to feel lonely. You are going to struggle with making friends and being by yourself. I know this because growing up I felt lonely at school. I struggled with making friends, and I was often by myself. I'm going to tell you why you'll have this challenges. Alta, you are so kind. It stems from a source deep within your soul. You're extremely empathetic. You have been ever since you were tiny and your cute personality started to shine. You have a testimony of the gospel, and you love your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You are so intelligent, your memory is astounding. You learn things so quickly, and you reason like a fully grown adult. Alta you are gorgeous, and your beauty shines from the inside out. Your spirit is beautiful, it compliments your deep blue eyes, your dimples, and all of those incredible golden curls.
All of those attributes are blessings Alta, but they'll also be the reasons why you struggle with feeling included. There's a saying "what's right is not always popular, whats popular is not always right". This saying will be the basis of your difficulty. Because of who you are and because of your commitment to choosing the right your decisions and actions probably won't align with those of your peers. You will be unable to feel comfortable during inappropriate conversations, and you will not be able to stomach unkindness and dishonesty. Other girls will be jealous of your wit, your enchanting smile, your golden hair, and self confidence. Your inability to include yourself in self deprecating talk will ostracize you, your lack of makeup will be obvious, and that inner beauty will make it difficult for the "popular" girls to include you.
Alta, it is my greatest wish that you'll find other girls as comfortable in their own skins and as committed to living the gospel as you are. But when you struggle to find them, or if you find some then loose them again and that feeling of loneliness comes I want you keep something in mind.
Although there are times when you will feel left out, alone, unwanted, and lonely you are never alone. The greatest gifts of friendship are found within our home. Your sisters will be your only true friends, you absolute confidants, and your enduring champions. Friends at school will come and go, but our family is eternal and lasting. If you're able to keep that in perspective in the midst of not getting invited to parties, or missing out on school dances it will be so much easier.
I can tell you this because I know it absolutely. Writing this now I'm 27 years old and I can say without hesitation that your aunt Katey is the best friend that I've ever had. Her friendship and understanding made up for so much of the disappointment I felt at not having lots of friends, not sitting at the cool table at lunch, and not getting invited to parties. She's a full four years younger than me, and our age difference didn't hinder our friendship. When other kids would talk about their weekend plans, although sometimes I felt the sting of not being included, I knew it was OK because I knew I had Kate and I knew who I was.
As you grow up Alta, you'll find friends. You'll have a group to play at recess with, kids to eat lunch with, and I'm sure you'll have plans on Friday and Saturday nights. You'll develop the attitude that popularity isn't really anything special, and you'll go from and "I need someone" to "who needs me?" attitude when it comes to finding friends.
You're three years old. Your arms are wrapped around Honey Bunny, Tito, and Bobo, while you sleep under your moon lights. But I know that all too soon you'll be a young woman. I'm so proud of you, and I know who you can become.
Love,
Mom
Dear Alta,
You had just zipped up your cowgirl boots and you were grabbing your Minnie Mouse backpack when you looked up at me and with a quavering voice said, "Mom?". I knew it was the beginning to a question and so I quit wrestling Elena, sat down on the couch, grateful for a rest with my pregnant belly, and responded, "What's up?".
"Mom, I don't want to go to preschool today."
"Why don't you want to go?"
"I will be all lonely. Making friends is hard, I don't know how to do it. I don't want to play by myself."
It broke my heart. Back in the spring of 2014 when we found out that we were expecting you, our first little girl, I sobbed on the way home from the ultrasound. I think your dad thought I was a little crazy when he asked me what was wrong. A look of understanding crossed his face when I told him, though my tears, "What if she doesn't have anyone to sit by at lunch? What if she doesn't get asked to prom? Being a girl is so hard."
When you told me about your worries of being lonely and playing by yourself I flashed back to that moment coming home from the ultrasound when it really hit me that I'd be raising a daughter. At three years old I'll admit this came a little sooner than I expected. I told you that the other kids probably felt this way too, and I explained that making friends is definitely hard. It takes a little courage, and lots of times you have to take the first step. So we planned out a strategy where you would walk up to some of the kids playing before preschool and say "This looks fun! I'd love to play too!".
After dropping you off with our action plan I went to your dad's classroom and told him about our conversation. Then I went and cried in the parking lot for a few minutes. I decided to make you this blog because there are so many little things you do and say that need, need, need to be recorded. And there are so many questions you ask that you'll ask again and again as your grow up, and the answers are hard for a little girl to understand. So, even as your little three year old self is sleeping on the top bunk in your room right now, I'm picturing your 8 year old, 12 year old, and 16 year old self while I write.
Alta love, you are going to feel lonely. You are going to struggle with making friends and being by yourself. I know this because growing up I felt lonely at school. I struggled with making friends, and I was often by myself. I'm going to tell you why you'll have this challenges. Alta, you are so kind. It stems from a source deep within your soul. You're extremely empathetic. You have been ever since you were tiny and your cute personality started to shine. You have a testimony of the gospel, and you love your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You are so intelligent, your memory is astounding. You learn things so quickly, and you reason like a fully grown adult. Alta you are gorgeous, and your beauty shines from the inside out. Your spirit is beautiful, it compliments your deep blue eyes, your dimples, and all of those incredible golden curls.
All of those attributes are blessings Alta, but they'll also be the reasons why you struggle with feeling included. There's a saying "what's right is not always popular, whats popular is not always right". This saying will be the basis of your difficulty. Because of who you are and because of your commitment to choosing the right your decisions and actions probably won't align with those of your peers. You will be unable to feel comfortable during inappropriate conversations, and you will not be able to stomach unkindness and dishonesty. Other girls will be jealous of your wit, your enchanting smile, your golden hair, and self confidence. Your inability to include yourself in self deprecating talk will ostracize you, your lack of makeup will be obvious, and that inner beauty will make it difficult for the "popular" girls to include you.
Alta, it is my greatest wish that you'll find other girls as comfortable in their own skins and as committed to living the gospel as you are. But when you struggle to find them, or if you find some then loose them again and that feeling of loneliness comes I want you keep something in mind.
Although there are times when you will feel left out, alone, unwanted, and lonely you are never alone. The greatest gifts of friendship are found within our home. Your sisters will be your only true friends, you absolute confidants, and your enduring champions. Friends at school will come and go, but our family is eternal and lasting. If you're able to keep that in perspective in the midst of not getting invited to parties, or missing out on school dances it will be so much easier.
I can tell you this because I know it absolutely. Writing this now I'm 27 years old and I can say without hesitation that your aunt Katey is the best friend that I've ever had. Her friendship and understanding made up for so much of the disappointment I felt at not having lots of friends, not sitting at the cool table at lunch, and not getting invited to parties. She's a full four years younger than me, and our age difference didn't hinder our friendship. When other kids would talk about their weekend plans, although sometimes I felt the sting of not being included, I knew it was OK because I knew I had Kate and I knew who I was.
As you grow up Alta, you'll find friends. You'll have a group to play at recess with, kids to eat lunch with, and I'm sure you'll have plans on Friday and Saturday nights. You'll develop the attitude that popularity isn't really anything special, and you'll go from and "I need someone" to "who needs me?" attitude when it comes to finding friends.
You're three years old. Your arms are wrapped around Honey Bunny, Tito, and Bobo, while you sleep under your moon lights. But I know that all too soon you'll be a young woman. I'm so proud of you, and I know who you can become.
Love,
Mom
Comments
Post a Comment